How to Tell Your Loved Ones You Have Cancer

contributed by Mary Clare Fischer

Families Facing Cancer program coordinator Madison McTevia shares some tips.

Molly Moravek, M.D. Photo credit: Erica Reist Bass

One of the unexpected challenges of a cancer diagnosis is how to talk about it with your family and friends.

“Even for adults, there are misconceptions when it comes to the word ‘cancer,’” says Madison McTevia, a certified child life specialist who manages Rogel’s Families Facing Cancer program. “A lot of times, we only have information from what we read in books or see on Grey’s Anatomy. I think that’s one of the reasons it can be so tricky to start the conversation.”

However, McTevia notes that it’s often better when people you care about hear the news directly from you, rather than finding out through word of mouth or other means.

Plus, the information about your cancer might be helpful for your family to know for their own benefit. Although the majority of cancer cases are random occurrences, some people possess genetic mutations that increase their likelihood of certain cancers; your diagnosis could be the impetus to undergo genetic testing.

To help patients navigate this conversation, McTevia suggests thinking about how you communicate with different family and friends. Ask yourself questions like:

Does your family openly talk about emotions and stressors? If not, why is that?
Would your loved ones have noticed anything off about the way you’ve been acting? Is there anything in your routine that’s shifted that could be a jumping-off point for the conversation?
Where would you feel most comfortable having this discussion?
What are your boundaries around this topic? How much do you want to share?

McTevia recommends being as direct as possible, but she says there’s no wrong way to have the conversation. And it’s always good to remember why you’re sharing the information.

“Patients can feel encouraged by thinking about the reasons they’re doing this,” McTevia said. “And fortunately, getting everything out in the open often makes them feel better.”